Women almost always remember their sexual partners, mostly because they don't have ridiculous amounts like guys do and partly because they are more likely to have an emotional link to the person than a guy would (this obviously isn't true for everyone), but there are two certified ways to ensure you go down in herstory - great sex and bad sex!
I have been in many conversations with my girlfriends where they discussed sexual partners and the ones that really get a mention (none of that tell all nonsense, we are women out here!) are the guys that rocked their world and the ones that had "No RIDDDDIM!" (That's a quote!)
When they tell me of these dudes that just didn't hit the spot, my question is always "Did you tell him?" and their reply is always "Nah, you know how guys are sensitive about these things", "No, I just never slept with him again" or "No but I gave it a few more tries to make sure it wasn't a one off". I am yet to meet a girl that has told the dude that his package didn't deliver! Now they all know me, if I was to find myself in that situation I would have to break it down! No way would I let a guy abuse my body in such a way! On top of all that, not only are they disappointed at the lack of fireworks but the guy leaves thinking he's Trey Songz (even though the neighbours don't know who the hell lives next door!) and repeats the experience with another unsuspecting victim!
And it doesn't end there! One of my girls in particular knows this guy (we call him 'One Minute Man' due to his lack of durability in their encounter) who decides to resurface every two months with the same proposition "Hey babe, we should hook up or something and maybe I can do you like I did last time *dirty laugh*". So the poor girl can waste another one minute? I think NOT! And considering it's been about 3 years since the wasted minute, she's openly single and she hasn't taken you up on your offer, shouldn't that tell him something wasn't quite right?
I blame the girls of course. If they had immediately told the guy the deal he would have spent more time perfecting his trade and less time dropping Casanova lyrics!
So ladies - if you find yourself in a situation where the dude had you making a mental to-do-list while in the sack, TELL HIM! If not for yourself do it for the poor girl that's gonna come after you, I'm pretty sure you wish someone could have warned you!
And guys - if you're not making it through your playlist and the girl ain't displaying 'Signs of Love Makin' or acting like she's on a 'Bike Back' then there is definitely something wrong with your 'Bump 'n' Grind'!!!
Not Rude, Honest.
First Published: May 28, 2011
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