People think that the reason that women are finding it hard to find Mr. Right is that they don’t know what they want. I don’t agree. I have always had a rough idea of how I wanted my husband to be. When I was younger it was all very physical and with obvious qualities like 'good looking' and 'caring'. As I’ve grown older my list has transformed a little and I find that the majority of the things in my list are now inner qualities that cannot be identified on meeting a person.
The problem with this is that the more my list grows and develops, the more acutely I am aware that my list may be depicting Mr. Perfect! I am fully aware that nobody is perfect and that compromises will have to be made but when do you draw the line? How many compromises do you make before you realise that the person you’re with is nothing close to the kind of person you wanted to be with?
I have to state that our mums’ were right when they advised us to wait till we are older to have boyfriends/girlfriends. Other than the obvious avoidance of teenage pregnancies, the person you get with at 16 will change and you may find that you are no longer compatible at 25.
Recognizing Mr. Right seems practically impossible these days and women are being forced to settle for less in order to fulfil their family’s expectations of marriage and children or their longing for a companion. Ladies let’s be real, our biological clock IS ticking but is that a good enough reason to get/stay with a guy that even to us is below average?
So let’s do the math - women have until the age of 35 to have their 1st child and avoid complications, you want to know the person pretty well before you start a family (I hope!) and you may need a year between engagement and wedding (planning is serious!) so that means you don’t need to settle till you’re 30!
A friend once said that you cannot expect qualities in a partner that you don’t possess yourself and I fully agree. I’ve heard waste girls saying they want to marry a lawyer! Now it’s all fair and good to aim high but what have you got to offer a lawyer? A person who has been through the hassle of educating themselves, working in a competitive environment and earning their money per hour will not be satisfied with a Remy weave and a Nicki Minaj booty!
Same goes for waste men “I want a good girl to make the wife!” What will an independent pretty girl, with a good figure, who knows how to cook and clean and all that good ish (common qualities appealing to men) want with a two bit hustler, who can’t spell, has no common decency and has slept with everything in a skirt within a 100 mile radius? Spending thousands at a bar of a club in your Gucci belt and fraudulently acquired car really don’t prove you’re a man ready for a serious girl, talk less becoming a husband!
I really don’t know what the solution to this epidemic is (epidemic is a bit extreme now but wait till you see their offspring!) but settling doesn’t seem like the happily ever after everyone is hoping for. Luckily I have met women who found their Mr. Right criteria in a man (the man is not perfect but their checklist is all ticked off!) so I have hope that if women stopped rushing into relationships they may find the man suitable for them.
So until you get to the age of 30, if someone who doesn’t meet your idea of Mr. Right approaches you just say (politely of course!) ‘We are not on the same level so let’s not waste each others’ time, good day!’. You may want to rephrase but you get my drift.
Not rude, honest...
First Published: March 15, 2011